How to Have a Healthy Family

The most significant role we play in the lives of others is that of a parent.   This Father’s Day message provides direction, encouragement and help for your role as a parent.


How to Have a Healthy Family
What Every Dad Needs to Know
Mosaic Rockford – Dave Spooner – June 19th, 2016

• The story of the birth of Anna
o I was given two incredible gifts the privilege of having a new life given to me and a new title “Dad” – From the cheer “it’s a girl” to the prayer “help”
• Not many of us have good healthy role models when it comes to the family . . .
• This is what a healthy family is supposed to look like . . . (From Men’s Fraternity)

Ten ingredients for a healthy family (from George Barna’s book: The future of the American Family)
1. The family characterized by strong, supportive, honest communication
2. Family members spend a large quantity of time together
3. Family members share a common faith and practice
4. Family members agree on key values
5. Family members practice love and mutual appreciation
6. Family members sacrifice for the good of one another
7. Family members have common goals and interests
8. Family members demonstrate trust with one another
9. Husband and wife engage in regular physical intimacy
10. Husband and wife have a firm, parental coalition in raising the children.

Ten things your child needs you to know
1. “I need you to know somebody must be there for me in the early years. It’s critical for my development!”

“One of the things I have learned in my psychiatric training is that approximately 85% of a person’s ultimate personality is formed by the time he or she is 6 years old. Those first 6 years are obviously the most crucial for a child in his or her development.” Dr. Paul Meier

• Our brain is hard wired in the first 6 years
• Give them the best of you in the early years

2. “I need a balance of discipline, instruction, and love growing up.”

High Love

Permissive Authoritative

Low Instruction High Instruction

Neglectful Authoritarian

Low Love
• Guess which one Dad’s tend to fall (Authoritarian)
• Best parenting style: 1 Authoritative, 2Permissive, 3Neglectful, 4Authoritarian
• More love – better adopting family values, better interacting with authorities, etc.
• Love is the determining factor . . .

3. “I need you to know my personality and honor it. The sooner the better.”
o Tests – 5 love languages for children –
4. “I need you to discover my bent and actively support it.”
o How God has created/gifted your child
o Don’t force them to become what you want them to be
o Cheer their bent – celebrate it
5. “I need you to know too much is too much.”
o Too much control – crushes or incites. (to rebellion)
o Too much money – spoils and pacifies. (steals their will to achieve)
o Too high expectations – discourage.

“Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.” Col. 3:21

6. “I need you to show me what to believe by living it.”
7. “I need you to know you can wound me for a lifetime.”
o Your children think you are a hero . . . so they try to reconcile your life with that ideal
8. “I need you to adjust your leadership style to me as I grow.”
o 0-13 Coach = directing
o 13-18 Cheerleader/Counselor = encouraging, problem solving
o 18-up Consultant = listening, supporting
9. “I need to make some great memories with you to live on.”
o There is a direct correlation between the memories we keep and the life we lead – great memories help to create a great life
o Be intentional about spending time together – spend a day with your child one on one.
10. “I need you to love God and share Him with me.”
o We are all hardwired for a desire for God

• Children are God’s gifts to us

Ps 127:3 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

• Children are hard work but nothing brings greater joy

3 John 4 ESV
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

The Green, Green Grass of Home by Erma Bombeck